I wanted a place where I could document my unique experience of working at a military academy as a young twenty-something. I wanted to make connections.

Made in Mom Jeans has always been able to fulfill my longing for connection but if I’m being honest, there are some voids it hasn’t ever been able to fulfill, especially in the last few years.

This post has been a long time coming.

When I wrote Taylor Swift and Other Things that Saved My Life Last Year, I was hoping to reconnect with the platform and the audience I had built on Made in Mom Jeans through the years. But after writing a few different posts over the course of 2024, I realized that something was missing.

Maybe not that something was missing, actually.

But rather, I had outgrown the platform I had lovingly and painstakingly built over the past decade.

Even as I write this post – what will be the sunset post for Made in Mom jeans – I’m having a hard time articulating what outgrowing your own platform means.

I am no longer a twenty-something struggling with their identity.

I am no longer a newly engaged or newly married woman.

I am no longer a new mom. I am a mom of (soon-to-be) three.

These are just a few of the ways that I feel I have outgrown my own space.

And sure, I could rebrand Made in Mom Jeans. I could continue to use the platform I’ve spent a decade building while trying to fight algorithms and keep up with the constantly changing landscape of social media.

But I don’t want to change Made in Mom Jeans and I don’t want to bury the resources that I’ve been able to provide within this space.

There is a quote that says, “It’s okay to disappear until you feel like you again.” And I think this is my soul quote – if there is such a thing. I do this frequently but this is the first time I’ve come back to a space and felt as though it was time to move on.

So if you’re reading this and you’ve been a part of the Made in Mom Jeans crew, thank you for being here. Thank you for all of your love and support over the years. I started this space as a place for honest conversations and I think we’ve accomplished that together.

As Taylor Swift once said at the Era’s tour, “It was the end of an era, but the start of an age.”

Made in Mom Jeans might not be the place for me anymore but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a piece of the internet left where I can carve a new slice for myself.

We all know that I could make this post long cause I love to write a wordy post. But I don’t want to drag out the inevitable “see you later” that is this post.

Instead, I’d like to introduce you to the next chapter.

I have always been a writer. Those of you who know me know that to be true. And even before I could write I was an avid storyteller. Just ask any of my family members. One time, I made up an elaborate story to explain the police cars I happened to see outside of my bedroom window one night.

It’s in my nature to write and share stories. And that’s not going to change. It’s just going to look different.

Drafting at Dusk will be part creative journal, part cultural commentary, & deeply rooted in my love for stories.

It’s a place where I’ll be writing my next chapter in real-time and sharing weekly(ish) musings that feel like catching up with an old friend in the corner of your favorite coffee shop.

It is my sincerest hope that you will join me in this next chapter.

When I heard the news that Rich Rodriguez was coming back to WVU as head coach, my first reaction was, “Wait, what?” My second was a slightly less charitable version of, “Are we really doing this again?”

For West Virginians, WVU football is sacred—it’s our shared heartbreak, joy, and pride rolled into one chaotic 60-minute game every week in the fall. But for those of us who lived through the last Rich Rod era, this news feels a little like seeing your ex slide into your DMs: confusing, a bit cringe, and yet oddly tempting.

I want to be clear about one thing: I could have gone the rest of my life without another Rich Rod era but here we are.

For those who have no ties to WVU football or no idea what I’m talking about, let me catch you up: Rich Rodriguez is the former coach who led West Virginia University to the brink of a national championship in 2007, only to leave the team—and the entire state—right after one of the most devastating losses in college football history. This loss also had some serious ramifications for college football, as outline in this amazing article by The Front Porch:

The Front Porch

How the 2007 Backyard Brawl rewrote college football history

Last Saturday, Pitt and West Virginia played one of the more ghastly games of the college football weekend, combining for 422 yards in a 17-6 victory for the host Mountaineers…

Read more

3 years ago · 4 likes · 1 comment · Craig Meyer

Now, nearly two decades and a boatload of drama later, he’s back. And Mountaineer Nation has some feelings about it.

Let’s unpack this, shall we?

Watching the Dream Slip Away

Let me take you back to 2007. WVU football was having a dream season. We had Pat White and Steve Slaton leading an unstoppable offense, a rabid fanbase hungry for a national championship, and an almost guaranteed ticket to the title game. All we had to do was beat Pitt in the Backyard Brawl—a game we were heavily favored to win.

But instead of celebrating on the field, Mountaineer Nation watched in stunned silence as the game ended in a devastating 13–9 loss. To say the heartbreak was palpable would be an understatement. It felt like the entire state was holding its breath—and then collectively exhaled in despair.

Then came the rumors. The days after the Pitt game were full of whispers: Did Rich Rod throw the game? Was he already planning his exit before the final whistle blew? Stories swirled that he left on a helicopter immediately after the game, heading off to finalize his deal with Michigan. The idea that he might have had one foot out the door during the most important game of his career only added salt to the wound.

Rodriguez has denied the accusations over the years, but the damage was done. For many Mountaineer fans, the timing of his departure felt too coincidental, too messy, and too much like a betrayal.

The Lawsuit That Followed

As if losing our coach wasn’t enough, the drama escalated when WVU sued Rodriguez for breaching his contract. At the time, he owed the university $4 million as part of his buyout clause. He refused to pay and the ensuing legal battle was public, messy, and bitter.

In the end, Rodriguez settled, agreeing to pay the full $4 million, with some assistance from Michigan. But the lawsuit only cemented the feelings of betrayal among WVU fans. It wasn’t just that he left—it was how he left, and how it felt like the university, and by extension, the state, was treated as an afterthought.

Once a Mountaineer, Always a Mountaineer

There’s a saying at West Virginia University: “Once a Mountaineer, always a Mountaineer.” It’s something we take pride in—this idea that being part of WVU isn’t just about sports; it’s about family, loyalty, and shared experiences. But when Rich Rodriguez walked away in 2007, it felt like he turned his back on all of that.

Still, here we are, welcoming him back (for better or worse). It’s a testament to just how deeply rooted that phrase is in our identity. We believe in second chances. We believe in redemption. And maybe, just maybe, we believe that Rich Rod can bring back the magic he once gave us. I mean, let’s be honest, the least he can do is get us a National Championship (we’ll take an apology first).

In Summation, A Timeline of Events:

Rich Rodriguez's departure from West Virginia University (WVU) in 2007 was one of the most dramatic and contentious moments in the history of Mountaineer football. Here's the full picture, including the details and the rumors that swirled around his exit:

1. The Success at WVU:

• Rodriguez took over as head coach in 2001 and led WVU to significant success, including an undefeated regular season in 2007 and a chance to play in the BCS National Championship game (which was ultimately derailed by the 13-9 loss to Pitt).

• His "spread offense" revolutionized college football, and WVU became one of the most exciting teams in the country under his leadership.

2. The Michigan Job Offer:

• “After” the 2007 season, Rodriguez's name started circulating as a potential candidate for the head coaching position at Michigan, one of the most storied programs in college football.

• Despite WVU’s success, rumors began swirling about his dissatisfaction with his contract and his desire for more financial security. He was reportedly unhappy with the way the university treated him compared to other top coaches in the country.

3. The Controversial Departure:

• The departure itself was messy. Rodriguez met with Michigan officials and ultimately agreed to become their next head coach. However, he did not communicate his decision to WVU until he made it public. This led to a plethora of rumors that he was in talks with Michigan before the Pitt game (which I think we have all come to the general conclusion that he was).

• On December 16, 2007, Rodriguez formally accepted the Michigan job, and the announcement caused an immediate backlash from WVU fans. There was a sense of betrayal, especially given the team’s success just a week before.

4. The Legal Drama:

• WVU tried to keep Rodriguez by enforcing a buyout clause in his contract, which was set at $4 million.

• However, the university also filed a lawsuit against Rodriguez for breaching the contract, claiming he violated his obligations by negotiating with Michigan behind their back. Rodriguez countered with a lawsuit of his own, claiming the buyout clause was unfair.

• The legal drama lasted months, with both sides bickering over the terms of the contract and accusations of bad faith. Eventually, they settled, and Rodriguez paid $4 million to leave early (allegedly with the help of Michigan).

5. The Rumors and Speculation:

• Helicopter Incident: One of the most famous rumors (and one that I clearly remember) that circulated around Rodriguez’s exit was that he left the day of the Pitt game (December 1, 2007) in a helicopter, as if to escape WVU’s impending defeat. While the helicopter rumor turned out to be untrue, it symbolized the growing resentment from fans about his departure.

• Throwing the Pitt Game: Another popular rumor claimed that Rodriguez deliberately sabotaged the game against Pitt to make it easier for him to leave for Michigan. There was no evidence to support this claim, but it was fueled by the sudden loss that dashed hopes of a national championship.

• Rich Rodriguez and West Virginia Loyalty: Fans were particularly upset because the slogan "Once a Mountaineer, always a Mountaineer" had been used frequently to emphasize loyalty to the school. Rodriguez's departure was seen by many as a betrayal, especially since he had built his reputation and success on the backs of the Mountaineer faithful.

6. Public Fallout:

• After Rodriguez left, the animosity between him and the WVU fan base only intensified. Many fans viewed him as disloyal and criticized him for choosing money and prestige over his home state (yes, he’s a West Virginia native).

• His legacy at WVU remains mixed: while he led the team to its highest heights, the bitterness of his departure lingered long after his exit. Even years later, whenever Rodriguez’s name comes up, there’s still a sense of resentment from many in the WVU community (myself included).

7. Aftermath:

• Rodriguez’s tenure at Michigan didn’t go as planned, and he was eventually fired after three years (2008–2010) without the success Michigan fans expected. His legacy at Michigan is also one of what could’ve been.

Which all leads us to today… when he was officially announced as WVU’s new head football coach (again).

Never Go Back to Your Ex (But Maybe Sometimes?)

This all feels a bit like letting a toxic ex back into your life. You remember the good times—the Sugar Bowl win, the high-scoring offense, the electric energy in Morgantown—and you hope things will be different this time. But you can’t forget the heartbreak, the rumors, the drama.

So, is this a good idea? Only time will tell. West Virginians are nothing if not resilient. We’ve weathered worse, and we’ll keep showing up for WVU football, no matter what, because it’s more than a game. It’s a piece of who we are.

So, Rich Rod, if you’re reading this: Welcome back. Don’t mess it up.

This problem was only exacerbated by motherhood and military life. Every two to three years I end up living somewhere with an entirely different climate than the last. Throw in a job and I suddenly need three wardrobes just to cover all of my bases.

At some point, I realized that even though my closet was full, my outfits felt... empty. I didn’t look like the Pinterest-perfect girls with their oversized blazers and designer sneakers. Instead, I felt like I was cosplaying as someone else. I wasn’t dressing for me—I was dressing for an imaginary Instagram audience. So, I decided to try something radical (for me): I stopped letting influencers tell me what to wear.

my personal style experiment

This wasn't some highbrow wardrobe detox with a capsule closet and 10-piece Pinterest boards. No, this was messy, imperfect, and 100% me. Armed with clothes I already owned and some well-spent time on Pinterest, I decided to experiment with my style based on what I actually liked instead of what was trending.

I started by creating a Pinterest board dedicated to styles I genuinely felt drawn to. I pinned outfits that made me think, “Yes, I could actually wear that,” instead of “Wow, she looks great in that.” The subtle difference between those two thoughts? Life-changing. Suddenly, I wasn’t trying to look like anyone else. I was trying to feel like me.

I also wasn’t being as critical of my body. How many times have you said “I can’t wear that because I don’t look like her?” I bet it’s more than you’d like to admit. Me too, girlfriend. But when I removed the idea of trying to look like someone else or trying to be “on trend” I realized I was more accepting of how my body looked in the clothes I was wearing.

the results: rediscovering my closet

Read more

It all starts with me, doom scrolling (shocker). I see a Facebook post that sends my heart racing like I’m mid-marathon. I slam out of the app like it's on fire and immediately start rage-texting my husband, fingers practically smoking as they hit the keyboard.

And that’s how the spiral begins. Pretty soon, I’m in full-blown panic mode over something I literally have zero control over.

Cue my husband, who somehow has the patience of a Zen master (seriously, someone should study his brain), dropping a question that stops my spiraling brain: “Why don’t you send me a list of things you can control?”

My initial reaction? A solid eye roll. A list? Of things I can control? As if that’s going to magically stop my mind from going full-speed train-wreck mode. But fine, if my husband thinks it’ll work, I’ll humor him (spoiler: he’s annoyingly right most of the time).

So, I grabbed my journal and started jotting things down. At first, it felt ridiculous – like writing down “I can control how many times I refresh Facebook” or “I can control whether or not I finish this entire coffee after I’ve already had two cups” – but then, something shifted. Once I started, I realized how much power I actually did have over the little things.

Here’s what I came up with:

who and what I follow on social media - where i dedicate my time and energy - my attitude, actions, and reactions - how I speak to myself and others - what (and how much) content I consume - my reactions to negative situations - how I respond to other people's behavior - what I decide to keep or remove from my life - my expectations of myself and others - when and how I process my emotions and feelings - my beliefs and values - when and if I forgive others

I didn’t expect how much lighter I felt just having it all written down. It was like suddenly, I had a roadmap to follow when things got messy (because, let’s face it, they always do).

This morning, I actually used the list again when I was sitting in the doctor's office (dermatologist for the fourth time in two months — more to come on that I’m sure), anxiety creeping in like an unwelcome guest. Instead of spiraling, I opened my notes app and started typing out what I could control in that moment. It helped me focus on the manageable things, instead of letting the unknowns take over. Something about having that power at my fingertips—literally—made the whole situation less overwhelming.

What really hit me was how much of this I can control, yet rarely stop to think about. I can decide who (and what) gets my energy and time, I can adjust how I respond to chaos, and I can choose what stays in my life and what needs to go. It’s not about getting it perfect—far from it—it’s about recognizing that I do have options, even when everything feels out of control.

And I realized something else: the stuff I can’t control? Well, maybe it’s not my job to control it in the first place. It doesn’t fix everything, but it helps—one small step at a time.

So, here’s your invitation to give it a try. The next time you feel that familiar anxiety creep in or you catch yourself spiraling over something totally out of your hands, grab a journal and write your own list. Start small. Write down the things you can control, no matter how basic or silly they seem at first. You might be surprised at how powerful this tiny exercise can be.

If you’re up for it, I’d love to see what you come up with. Share your lists with me (and each other) in the comments or post about it online. Tag me so we can keep this conversation going—I think we all need a little more of this in our lives, don’t you? If you’re up for it, I’d love to see what you come up with. Share your lists with me (and each other) in the comments or get creative with a journal spread of your own!

what’s got my attention this week:

I’m no stranger to getting hooked on something from an Insta recommendation (we’ve all been there, right?). And when an indie author I follow dropped Weathering With You into my feed with a glowing reference to its sky-falling scene, I knew it was time to get my tissues ready. I mean, how do I write a moment as tear-jerkingly epic as that one? Goals, honestly.

the watch-read-listen recap:

A full breakdown of what had my eyes, ears, and brain working overtime this week.

• 🎞️Uglies: Dystopian beauty standards, mind control, and the dangers of tech? Sign me up! Wild how a book that came out two decades ago is still painfully relevant (thanks, internet). Netflix's take had me spiraling about our obsession with appearances—and, spoiler alert, I’m still wondering if 'pretty' is ever worth losing your mind over. Full essay coming, because we’ve got a lot to unpack.

• 🎞️Weathering with You: Climate crisis meets anime magic in this beautifully weird film. I sobbed, I gasped, and now I’m basically out here hunting sunshine (which isn’t really a problem in kansas). Visuals: 10/10. Feels: 100/10. Give this a watch if you like a Miyazaki movie.

• 🎞️Mayfair Witches: Still questioning my life choices after this one. The show was disjointed, the characters bland, and the finale? Let’s just say I don’t even care enough to finish. This show definitely lost the plot and me with it.

• ▶️Critical Role: Downfall: The campaign I didn’t know I needed. High stakes, emotional damage, and just the right amount of D&D chaos. It’s like watching a group therapy session but with more dice and fewer feelings. Oh, and a larger philisophical discussion. The stakes are high, the tears are real, and I’m emotionally compromised. All I need is a therapy session and a long rest. If you’ve never watched Critical Role (in which a bunch of nerdy voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons) Downfall (or the previous mini series Calamity) are great bite-sized, self contained places to start.

hot take of the week:

So, I haven’t watched a reality TV show since… 2020. But you bet your ass I couldn’t resist checking out the takes on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. One of the best takes worth every second of screen time? Alyssa Grenfell. She left the church at 25 and now helps others do the same. Watching her break it all down is like watching a live mic drop. Honestly, she’s giving more substance than the entire show.

on my radar:

• The Fourth Wing paperback is finally here! I feel like we have waited ages for this but it was so worth it. I can’t wait to dive into the bonus chapter from Xaden’s POV.

• Can we talk about the audacity of networks to cancel everything good? Seriously, I’m feeling personally attacked. RIP Dead Boy Detectives and My Lady Jane. We deserved better.

• The shortlist for the Booker Prize (aka the biggest accolade for a single work of fiction) was announced and I haven’t heard of a single one. My literature professors would be so disappointed. Thankfully, the website has these fantastic reading guides to give you the lowdown on each of the books. After looking at the synopsis for all of 6, I’m thinking of picking up James, a reimagining of Huckleberry Finn, and Orbital (though this one will probably lead to an existential crisis).

• This cozy fall reading list by Michelle Martin. Kansas insists on remaining 90+ degrees even though Sunday marks the offical start of the autumn season but I’m saving all of the book, recipe, and cozy vibe recommendations for when the weather finally turns.

Literary Leanings

A cozy fall reading list

I've lived in New England my whole life. At this point, I can't imagine living anywhere where the seasons don't define the rhythm of life…

Read more

2 years ago · 85 likes · 27 comments · Michelle Martin

📚 the deep dive: realm breaker by victoria aveyard

Misfit squads, world-saving drama, and plot twists that left me literally screaming at the page (seriously, people driving next to me probably think I’m unhinged)—Realm Breaker is epic fantasy at its finest.

Imagine this: a ragtag team of misfits, including an assassin with a questionable moral compass, a pirate queen with serious swagger, and a chosen-one-who-didn’t-ask-for-this. Their job? Saving the world, of course. Oh, and did I mention they’re up against a villain trying to open a realm of pure evil? Casual. It’s basically Lord of the Rings if Frodo had sass, and the fellowship was more... JV instead of Varsity.

At its core, Realm Breaker is more than just your typical save-the-world epic. It's about identity, self-discovery, and the messy business of figuring out who you are when the world expects you to be something else. It’s like the fantasy equivalent of going through an existential crisis in your twenties. We’ve got characters questioning their paths, rejecting societal labels, and battling some serious imposter syndrome—all while fighting off world-ending doom.

What’s really wild is that even the villains have their moments of moral ambiguity. I found myself begrudgingly rooting for them at times, because—let's be real—nothing is ever black and white in Aveyard’s world. These aren’t your one-dimensional "evil for the sake of evil" baddies. They’ve got complex motivations, messy backstories, and honestly, they make some valid points. It’s the kind of book where you might just find yourself sympathizing with the villain and the heros. And trust me, that inner conflict will leave you feeling some type of way.

The series expertly weaves in deeper themes of power—who holds it, who deserves it, and what happens when those in control start playing god. It’s not just about epic battles; it’s about the undercurrent of privilege and class warfare, where the so-called "heroes" aren’t always the ones who should be holding the title.

Ready to question who’s really worthy of the crown? Dive into Realm Breaker and decide for yourself!

currently in my queue

Next up: Suzume, from the director of Weathering With You—so, yeah, I’m bracing myself for tears. Also, the Sailor Moon movie just dropped on Netflix, and let’s be honest, I’m here for the nostalgia alone. Oh, and did you know the guy from My Lady Jane is in A Discovery of Witches? Talk about bittersweet—no I will not stop talking about My Lady Jane. Thanks for nothing, Amazon.

On the book front, I’ll be tackling Uglies (research, duh), plus trying to make a dent in my Kindle backlog.

• the backlog in question: Includes titles such as Lovely War, Girls and Their Horses, and The Will of the Many just to name a few. Not to mention all of my Kindle unlimited downloads. This should probably be its own post lol so let me know if you want to see it.

I should also dedicate sometime this weekend to reading the two books I currently have out from the library, The Invocations and Your Blood, My Bones since they’re both due back next week.

📚 final thoughts: “should you add this to your shelf?”

This week’s contender: To Shape a Dragon’s Breath. Let me start by saying I had high hopes. Indigenous dragons, steampunk, a unique magic system, and a school setting? Basically, everything I wanted. But the execution? A bit... meh. The representation was awesome, and the dragon lore chef's kiss—but the writing didn’t quite live up to the hype.

I’m always here for a book that makes me think critically about big themes, and this one certainly doesn’t hold back. It dives deep into racism, colonialism, and the complexities of coming of age across different cultures. And while it had its ups and downs, I have to say the dragon lore and vivid world-building were what really kept me hooked. Sure, it could’ve been sharper in places, but when a book gives me all the magical, fire-breathing vibes, I’m willing to overlook a few bumps in the dialogue (which was pages long and repetitive for no reason).

On the bright side, the Indigenous representation and fresh spin on dragon lore were absolute highlights. But the writing? Let’s just say it didn’t quite soar like the dragons. I read audiobooks at 2x speed, and even then, the pacing dragged in places—slooooow and a bit of a slog at times.

Final verdict? If you love dragons and don’t mind slow-burn pacing, add it to your shelf. Otherwise, no harm in skipping this one.

bonus: the random hyperfixation of the week

• fat sajak on YouTube. I love commentary channels and her commentary has me laughing out loud more often than not.

Now that you’ve seen what’s been on my radar, I’d love to hear from you! What’s got your attention lately? Whether it’s a show, book, or even a random internet deep dive, I’d love to hear your recommendations! Drop them in the comments, or if you're a paid subscriber, feel free to join the chat for some real-time convo.

[this letter isn’t addressed to the fire (your inbox) head to the app or desktop for better viewing]

I spent nearly a decade pouring my heart and soul into building an online presence, but by 2023, I was standing in front of that door, exhausted and overwhelmed, ready to slam it shut on everything—like, hard.

Like this post itself, Made in Mom Jeans has had many different forms. I started this publication in 2014 newly graduated from college, a far cry from where I am now… a 30-something military spouse and mom of two. Over the years, this space has grown and evolved as I have. I’ve loved every wild, messy, coffee-fueled minute of building this space, growing a community, and oversharing my life with all of you.

I was still nurturing this community even when I wasn’t writing on Made in Mom Jeans. But as my workload as a social media manager increased, I found it hard to strike a balance between content creation for me and others. By the end of each day, my creative tank was so empty, that even doom-scrolling felt like too much effort. The deeper I sank into burnout, the more I felt like a hollow shell—depleted, emotionally detached, and staring blankly at my screen, unable to muster the energy to show up online like I used to.

Content Warning: This post discusses mental health struggles, including thoughts of self-harm and the emotional challenges I faced over the past year. If you find these topics distressing, please take care of yourself and seek support if needed.

Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - Available 24/7 for crisis support.

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 - Provides 24/7 text support for those in crisis.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to these resources or speak with a mental health professional. You don’t have to go through this alone.

nobody’s heard from me for months…

Sometimes, you don’t know you’re in a bad place until it’s too late which is what I experienced. In May 2023, on a Friday morning, a call from my then-employer ended up being that catalyst. Taking a $600 pay cut when you're already burned out and giving everything to a company that rewards you with nothing? Fast track to suicidal ideation.

I collapsed onto my bed after that phone call, feeling like the weight of the world had finally broken me. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face, my body shaking from exhaustion and hopelessness. I felt so small like I was disappearing into the fabric of the sheets.

I had a good ol’ ugly cry, told my husband (who, in true form, reassured me it’d be fine), and then crawled back into bed like I was training for an Olympic nap session until it was time to grab the kids. I think I called my mother-in-law and cried to her (I know I cried to her later on in the summer). I didn’t tell my mom (which should have been my first clue that something was wrong).

I acknowledge that I am in an extremely privileged position to be able to say that a pay cut of that magnitude did not put my family at financial risk. As a military spouse and mom, I have not always been able to work. Any military spouse will tell you that frequent moves and lack of available (and affordable) childcare make it difficult to get a job. For the previous two years, I have been working diligently, sharing my expertise, honing my skills, and serving my clients through this agency. 2023 was supposed to be the start of my next chapter. Instead, I felt detached from my work, I was exhausted from trying to stay on top of trends and constantly being asked to create more for less.

It was one of those ‘rock-bottom, can’t-get-any-worse’ moments where I just felt completely, utterly worthless. Things with work didn’t improve and I continued to sink into a pit of despair.

The first time a suicidal thought crept in, it felt foreign, like a shadow I didn’t recognize. I stood there, horrified and scared, my heart pounding in my chest as tears welled up uncontrollably (I cried a lot between May and July). How did I get here? How did my mind betray me like this? Maybe my husband and I had been fighting or maybe I was overstimulated from the kids’ constant fighting but I truly looked in the mirror and thought “Maybe it would be better if I just didn’t exist anymore.”

I dove headfirst into my usual bag of mental health tricks—running, hiking, starting new projects—anything to stop the free fall.

It kept getting louder. The more pressure I was under at work (working more and getting paid less) the worse the voice got. I remember having a panic attack one week last summer when my MIL was visiting and just spilling everything out to her in the dining room right before I had to get on another work call.

Suicidal thoughts became part of my daily routine—like brushing my teeth or checking emails, only way darker.

it’s been a long time coming: the eras tour

Everyone was still talking about The Eras Tour. In November of the previous year, I had purchased a single ticket for the second Kansas City show. The Eras Tour became my lifeline, a beacon of light shining through the suffocating darkness. That ticket was more than just a golden opportunity—it was my reason to keep going, something so many others dreamed of, but for me, it was the one thing keeping me afloat1.

I hadn’t been on medication for my depression and anxiety since I was in college and the thought of going back, of relying on it, made me feel like a failure (this is obviously not the case).

But I needed to make it to that show, so I did the scariest thing: called a psychiatrist.

On July 5th, I finally met with a psychiatrist and started medication. Two days later, I booked a fancy hotel room for myself and drove to Kansas City where I got to scream some of my favorite songs and cry with thousands of people who love Taylor Swift just as much as I do.2 It was one of the best nights of my life. I’ve always been a Taylor Swift fan and I can pretty much assign each of her albums and even some songs to specific periods of my life. As Taylor moved through different eras, I felt like I was rediscovering parts of myself.

It was the reminder I desperately needed—I’ve weathered my fair share of storms before, and damn it, I could do it again.

I like shiny things

Turns out extreme burnout makes everything feel overwhelming. Even carpet. Even notebooks. I couldn’t cope with the way carpet felt under my feet, the size of my notebooks, the way my job kept taking advantage of me (and others). Here’s what got me through it once medication kicked in.

an a6 notebook: I have always been a bullet journal girlie but the size of my go-to bullet journal was so overwhelming during this time. I switched to an a6 size (you may have seen pictures of this on instagram) and immediately felt more put together. This tiny but fierce journal became my brain’s BFF—handling everything from my chaotic thoughts to doctor’s appointments and to-do lists.

routine: I have always been a creature of habit but I’ve never relied on a routine more. A typical day looked like this: drop the kids off at daycare, run, smoothie, work as much as I could without crying, apply for jobs, take a nap, work some more if I felt able to, go get the kids. Those daily routines—sipping a morning smoothie, feeling my sneakers hit the pavement during a run—became my lifeline. They tethered me to the present, bringing me back from the edge, one small, ordinary moment at a time.

my friends and family: Over a year later I still have no idea if anyone really understands how bad my mental health was in 2023. Shoutout to my husband, mom, and MIL—they were my lifelines (and let’s not forget my amazing psychiatrist who really deserves a medal).

(taylor’s version): The last year has truly been something for Swifties. Not only have we had nonstop content about Eras, there have been two (taylor’s version) albums released, and now The Tortured Poets Department. Turns out Taylor and I were having our worst years at the same time lol.

fourth wing by rebecca yarros: If you haven’t heard of this book please tell me what it’s like to be chronically offline. In all seriousness, this book came out at the perfect time for me. I wandered into Target on publication day and saw the shiny cover and pretty edges and knew it was for me (especially with the military academy setting and the author being a former military spouse). I loved it and it kicked off a voracious few months of reading some of the best books I’ve ever read (Fireborne and Serpent and Dove, ilysm). It was like I rediscovered my fangirl roots, and honestly? 10/10 would recommend.

they said “babe, you gotta fake it ‘til you make it”

Healing? Definitely not a straight line. But I’ve come a long way since those dark days in 2023, and I’m happy to report that things are (mostly) looking up. I left that company and got a job working at a university as a grant writer. I’m able to create quality content (like this!) without feeling burnout. I’m dipping my toes back into my Instagram but slowly. Honestly, some days I just wish I didn’t have a phone at all — but I have anxiety and kids so that’s not possible.

Something I’ve truly missed since the last time I posted on Made in Mom Jeans was simply writing. I’ve always expressed myself best this way and it’s something that I hope I can continue to do as I carve out this new space while making sure it stays rooted in authenticity and balance. I have a lot of thoughts to share on various things as usual.

to live for the hope of it all

This might seem like a simple Taylor Swift lyric. You’ve probably seen it quoted many times and maybe you’re even sick of it. But this lyric kind of became my motto. It’s about resilience, about finding those slivers of joy in the most unexpected places—the smile from a stranger, the warmth of the sun on your face, the echo of a song lyric that hits just right. It’s about daring to hope, even when hope feels fragile.

If you’re also navigating the messy middle of life, I’m here for it. Let’s figure it out together, one small moment of joy at a time.

I documented our cross-country PCS as our family of four (plus two dogs and a cat) moved from Fort Wainwright, Alaska to Fort Benning, Georgia. I hope this series shows you what it is like to move with the military as a military family. Be sure to check out the Moving with the Military (Our PCS Experience) playlist for more PCS vlogs 2022! We will be continuing to update our PCS playlist with upcoming moves too (as soon as December 2022).

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Hi friends, today I'm so excited to share with you all that I've learned in three years of motherhood on how to read more books as a busy mom. These realistic tips and tricks to read more books in 2022 are the actual methods I use to help me achieve my reading goals and to read more books. I'm not going to teach you how to be able to read 100 books in a year but these practical reading tips are sure to help you discover ways to read more in 2022.

I've been a mother for almost three full years now (not counting time spent pregnant with my son lol) and my reading goals have definitely changed drastically since having two kids. But I hope these tips and tricks about how to read more books as a busy mom will help you feel confident and empowered to tackle your reading goals this year!

I have included six tips in the video that I believe can be super beneficial to anyone who wants to read more books but especially moms. If you don't have time to watch the entire video or just want to skip to a specific tip, feel free to check out the time stamps below!

How to Read More Books as a Busy Mom Time Stamps:

Start: 00:00

Swap screen time: 03:42

Read on your phone: 04:40

Have next book picked out: 07:41

What kind of reader are you: 09:15

Read genres you like: 11:53

DNF books: 13:22

If you like this video, please consider subscribing!

Grab your 2022 Book Bingo Challenge here!

Click here for more Reading challenges!

Read more reading-related posts here!

Come book shopping with me at Barnes and Noble!

This is a cozy bookstore vlog and a reading vlog so cuddle up with a hot beverage and let's go book shopping together! This video is also an ACOWAR reading vlog! I am currently in the middle of reading the ACOTAR series for the first time and in the reading vlog portion of this video I end up finishing ACOWAR. There is not a book haul in this video because unfortunately, they were out of stock of the books that I wanted. So stay tuned for an ACOTAR book haul in the future!

A short story about my ACOTAR reading journey: I first read ACOTAR (the first book) way back soon after it first came out. I bought the second book and quickly decided it wasn't for me and didn't finish it. I tried two different times to read this dang series and couldn't get into it. I thought it wasn't for me, I've even written blog posts on how much I disliked Maas's writing. But then I got to about 70% of the way through A Court of Mist and Fury and everything changed. I've been reading the series so fast that I have boughten all of the ebooks because I can't be bothered to wait for the mail these days.

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Made in Mom Jeans 2022 Book Bingo!

My approach to new year goal setting is a bit outside of the norm. I don’t kick off January 1st of a new year by diving headfirst into tackling whatever meaningless goals I’ve set for myself. I recently read a statistic that said some 80% of New Year’s Resolutions are abandoned by the second week of February. Personally, back when I tried to set goals the more traditional way, I definitely fell into this camp of people. I’m sure most of us can admit to setting some pretty lofty goals at the beginning of a new year and then quickly abandoning them. That’s why I wanted to kick off 2022 with a few blog posts that will walk you through my process for setting goals and hopefully inspire you to work through setting some yourself. 

Here are a few things I always do first before setting specific goals for a new year:

I take time to reflect on the previous year. 

This should be obvious but it’s an important step in the goal-setting process that I feel is often overlooked this time of year. How do you know what you achieved if you don’t reflect? How can you assess how your life has changed over the last year if you don’t take the time to reflect on how you have grown and changed? A lot of people just simply carry over goals that didn’t get achieved from one year to the next but how what if those goals no longer align with your plan for your life?

After reflecting, I choose an intention or word of the year. 

Over the past four years, I have found that beginning the process of goal setting for a new year by choosing a guiding word or intention for the year allows me to more effectively set, measure, and achieve aligning goals throughout the year. Most if not all of my goals each year will reflect what I’ve chosen as my word or intention for the year. 

Exercise:

• Set a timer for 5 minutes and write down every word or phrase that comes to mind.

• Once the 5 minutes are up, group together similar words, feelings, and phrases.

• Choose the word or phrase that stands out to you the most (this should be a word that will challenge you but not make you miserable). 

• Spend some time thinking about that word and how using it as a guiding intention for 2022 can improve your life.

Want to share how your exercise went? Leave it in the comments or connect with me on social media!

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While researching the topic of self-care, I struggled with a lot of the resources and articles that I was finding. A lot of the self-care advice I was finding just wasn’t applicable to military life.. So I wanted to put together this short guide on self-care tips for military spouses. I really wanted to focus on bringing you actionable advice that wasn’t totally unrealistic for the burdens of military life. 

So what is self-care and why is it important?

Apparently, self-care is such a big deal that there’s actually a freaking international foundation dedicated to it. Who knew? Anyways, their website quotes this definition from the World Health Organization that I think really encompasses what self-care is at its core. 

‘Self-Care is what people do for themselves to establish and maintain health, and to prevent and deal with illness. It is a broad concept encompassing hygiene (general and personal), nutrition (type and quality of food eaten), lifestyle (sporting activities, leisure etc.), environmental factors (living conditions, social habits, etc.) socio-economic factors (income level, cultural beliefs, etc.) and self-medication.’

Self-care is going to look different for everyone and it is always changing. But I think there is an important distinction to be made here. A lot of the time, as I mentioned in last week’s Off the Cuff newsletter, self-care gets watered down to simple hygiene tasks when it should be encompassing your entire being.  I know this is something I definitely experience as a new mom.  What self-care looks like for you definitely depends on the stage of life you’re in at the current moment which is one of the reasons why I think meaningful self-care is so important for military spouses. 

Military spouses face burdens that most people can’t imagine experiencing in their daily lives. If two days of your week look the same, you’re having a lucky week! Not to mention the constant changes, regularly uprooting your entire lives, etc. military spouses are often the ones in need of the most self-care. In order to be a military spouse, one must be selfless because of the level of sacrifice military life brings. That makes establishing a great self-care system so important for military spouses.

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Realistic Self-Care Tips for Military Spouses

1. Create a routine with flexibility in mind- Just because you’re a military spouse doesn’t mean you can’t establish a good self-care routine. It just needs to be flexible! I love having a good routine in place and one of the things I’ve learned in almost three years of being a military spouse is that your routines need to be flexible. Keep this in mind when you’re planning out your ideal self-care routine. For example, if there’s a day of the week when you know your spouse will be home (if you have kids) or will be out late (if you’re kid-free), use this time to schedule your more involved self-care activities. I love to go thrift shopping sans toddler in tow so I love scheduling this activity for the weekends when my husband can be home. 

2. Communicate your self-care needs with your partner- As much as we wish they could, our partners can’t read our minds. I’ve learned the hard way over the last few years that if I don’t communicate effectively with my partner in regards to my self-care needs, he just assumes I don’t need anything. Let your partner know if there are certain things you need/want to see happen each day/week and don’t be afraid to walk them through how they can support you in your self-care journey.

3. Create a list of self-care ideas that accounts for military life- As a military spouse, there are a whole slew of events that civilians will most likely never have to deal with or have on their radar. Whether it’s field time, a deployment, or even a PCS move, creating a list of self-care ideas that keep each of these aspects of military life in mind will help you to keep up with a self-care routine and be able to find meaningful time to practice self-care despite whatever your military family has going on. 

4. Keep some sort of journal- If you’re new here then you may not know that I have a serious passion for journaling. In fact, I’ve made it my mission in 2021 to fill up the various notebooks I have lying around the house with different forms of journaling. Whether you’re new to journaling or already have an established journaling habit, keeping a journal is something that I recommend to all military spouses. Journaling doesn’t have to happen with traditional pen and paper. There are tons of different journaling methods that you can use as part of your self-care routine. I think investing time into journaling is important for military spouses because journaling allows you to look back on what is and isn’t working as well as give you insight into what affects things like your moods, productivity, mental health, etc. I’m a huge advocate for military spouses taking care of their mental health and I think popularizing journaling within the military community is a great way to help with that.

5. Keep your self-care expectations realistic- Remember how I said that military life comes with a lot of burdens and sacrifices? Yeah, you’re probably not going to be able to keep up with the most extravagant self-care routine all of the time. Just like you want to keep in mind the different phases of military life while you’re coming up with self-care ideas, keep this in mind as well. You’re not going to be able to do everything perfectly all of the time and that’s okay! Self-care is a lifelong journey. 

6. Focus on simple things that bring you joy- One of the things that really bothered me when I was researching the topic of self-care back in January is how complicated some of the “self-care ideas” I found around the internet were. Self-care doesn’t have to be and SHOULDN’T BE complicated. In fact, from my experience the more simplistic you can make your self-care routine, the better. Make a list of things that happen throughout the week that bring you joy (for me, one of those things is getting a coffee or some sort of nice beverage in the afternoons) and replicate that as often as you can. Self-care can really be that simple. 

If you’re looking for more self-care inspiration, definitely check out the 28 Day Self-Love Challenge! You can grab the shareable BINGO board for a full list of self-care ideas as well as the 8 page PDF by signing up for my weekly newsletter, Off the Cuff! I hope you’ve found this article helpful and inspiring! I’d love to hear from you so leave a comment or let’s connect on Instagram! Don’t forget to share this with your military spouse friends who could use it too!

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I got a request to round up the recipe suggestions so I figured I’d plop them into this super simple post for ya. Let me know if you end up trying any of these recipes! The Hot Cocoa Cookies are definitely calling my name.

Jammy Shortbread Thumbprint Cookies

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There are three things that are always on my goal list.

1. Wake up earlier

2. Journal every day

3. Do more creative writing

These are the three things that every year, without fail, I tell myself I’m going to do. When the kids were born waking up earlier became a way to survive, to wake up before them in order to get anything on my personal to do list done. 

I’ve always wanted to journal more because it’s something my grandmother did every day. She was writing one line a day before that was even a thing. I can distinctly remember large black binders filled with printed out paper filled with her daily thoughts and even what the weather was like.

And as long as I’ve known it, I’ve wanted to be a writer. I mean *technically* anyone who writes is a writer so I guess I can check that off but what I really mean is that I want to be an author. I want to create stories and build worlds and let other people get so caught up in them that they write their own fan fiction about my world and characters. 

Nearly half a year shy of 30, I can tell you that never once have I succeeded in checking these things off of a list. I’ll do them here and there or have a few good weeks where I’m rocking doing all of these things and then something happens that upends my routine. 

I am a creature of habit so finding ways to adapt when my routine is thrown off is a skill that I am still working on. But truly, when I became a mom I figured I could kiss these goals goodbye. 

As mothers we are programmed to give all of ourselves away for the sake of our children. It is seen as selfish to invest in yourself or arguably even to set your own goals. If I’m lucky, I get maybe 4 hours a day max that are truly devoted to myself. And that’s not including sleeping. But what I’ve come to realize, for myself at least, is that mother’s often bear the burden of motherhood as an excuse. You can accomplish your goals, you can be the person you want to be outside the scope of being a mother if you stop using motherhood as a crutch.

So I get up early. I wake up at 4:50am everyday to get 20 minutes of creative writing in before I have to start my work hours for the day. So check and check for waking up earlier and doing more creative writing.

I’ve only recently started to implement the “wake up earlier” part after really focusing in on making sure I was doing some amount of creative writing everyday. But I was trying to write during nap time when I had a big chunk of time to do so and most days I was finding that my energy levels just weren’t great by 1 o’clock in the afternoon. Now, aside from making coffee, creative writing is the first thing I do. I may not get a high word count in that 20 minutes but at least I can say I’m writing something.

Now we’ve got two of those things checked off the list (for now, I literally just started this routine two days ago as I’m writing this). And one day, after complaining in a group chat about how I can never seem to stick to a consistent journal routine I finally decided enough was enough. I finally added a dedicated journaling session into my daily schedule, right after the kids go down for their nap. I realized that waiting to journal right before bed or even first thing in the morning probably wasn’t going to be a realistic way for me to journal every day. I had tried those things before with little success. But adding journaling into the middle of my day gives me a way to decompress after the work day and after spending a morning working while simultaneously taking care of both kids. 

Motherhood hasn’t always been the excuse for why I can’t do things. To be honest, my mental state has a lot to do with the ebbs and flows of my desire to be this person and often times it appears as a manic sort of state that completely envelopes my life. But this time it feels different and I’m excited to grab this newness of creating and sticking to habits and see where it takes me. 

My inability to journal consistently is part of the reasoning behind this post. We’re kicking off a 30 day journaling challenge on September 1st! Now, if you’re reading this and it’s not September 1st, that’s okay. It’s never too late to join this challenge.

The goal of the 30 Day Journaling Challenge is to get ourselves into the habit of actively and routinely journaling. I want you to stop and think about your daily routines. How much time do you spend endlessly scrolling? I know I’m guilty of this way more than I would like to admit. So part of this challenge is to replace some of those mindless activities in our daily routines with something more productive, like journaling!

Don’t know where to start or what to write about? Well, friend, I’ve got you covered. I’ve put together a complete list of 30 different journaling prompts you can work through over the course of the challenge. There’s no order, go by each one as you see them or skip around to whatever prompt is jumping out at you that day. 

Here’s the graphic of all the journal prompts, easy for you to share in Instagram stories too (don’t forget to tag me!).

While we’re gearing up for September 1st to get started on this challenge, I’ve pulled some practical tips together to get you really ready for starting this journaling challenge! First, a few questions:

Why do you want to start a journal?

There can be many reasons why you might be looking into how to start a journal. Starting a journal is a great way to document memories, work through personal development, keep your thoughts and schedule organized and so much more. For me, everytime I journal with intention it helps me stay motivated to keep up with it longer. We often see others using social media as a “journal” but I think there’s somethign so sacred and special about working with other forms or intentionally using social media as a journal rather than keeping up with social media trends.

The great thing about journaling is that it is an inherently personal task. That means whatever you want your journal to look and feel like is completely fair game! That’s the beauty of this challenge too. The 30 Day Jouranling Challenge is completely what YOU want it to be. Want your journal to be a creative art journal? Go for it! Want to start a seperate Instagram or maybe a VSCO account for a photo journal? That’s totally rad too!

Which type of Journal is right for you? Choosing the medium that works best for you will help keep you consistent in journaling. I’ve tried a  lot of different journaling mediums over the years and honestly my style of journaling depends on what’s going on in my life. One of my favorite ways to journal is through bullet journaling! Bullet journaling has been all the rage on social media in the last few years. Bullet journaling can seem easily overwhelming just by glancing at it on social media but don’t let the pretty layouts and artistic style scare you! Bullet journaling is a great way to combine planning and memory keeping! The best part about bullet journaling is the complete control you have over what it looks like. Here are all of the resources I’ve put together regarding Bullet Journals over the years:

The Ultimate Guide to Starting a Bullet Journal

Why I Started a Bullet Journal

My Favorite Bullet Journal Supplies on Amazon

My Bullet Journal Setup on YouTube

Maybe you’re constently on the go and need a form of journaling that can go with you anywhere. Some form of digital journaling might be the perfect fit for you! I really have enjoyed using the Promptly app over the last year or so when I just want to write but I’m not sure where to go. This app lives on my phone and is so easy to pull up and get started! Another form of digital journaling can be done with an iPad or tablet and pencil. I live for looking at different types of gorgeous digital journals on Instagram but haven’t given this style a go for myself yet. 

I already mentioned photo journaling which is something else I’ve tried and really enjoyed. You may remember the photo challenge I started last year. While I didn’t keep up with it I still very much enjoyed all of the memories that were captured that way. Project 365 is another great way to document photo memories!

A few of my favorite journals:

Day One App - This free app is something that I’ve been playing with recently and I’ve really enjoyed having access to a journaling app on my phone. I don’t use it very consistently yet but it’s great for having for those in-the-moment sparks of thought that you want to capture without having to lug around a physical journal. Most of the time I’m using this to write down memories of Jasper and Marlow and our day-to-day adventures.

Promptly Journals - I just purchase two of the Childhood History journals from Promptly to use for Jasper and Marlow because I wanted something tangible to pass along and I love that these journals are guided. These would also make a great gift! Promptly has a ton of other journal options too so definitely check them out if you’re looking for more guided journaling options.

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How to Stay Consistent with Journaling: 

1. Set a reminder on your phone

2. Make it part of your routine/ritual

3. Use prompts to help get you started 

Luckily for you, I’ve got two of these three things covered for you with the 30 Day Journaling Challenge! So what do you think? Are you in? I’d love to see your journaling so make sure to tag me @darrianchamblee and use the hashtag #MIMJJournalChallenge on Instagram so I can see!

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There are three things that are always on my goal list.

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Do you know what the number one thing I could change about my life would be? In all honesty, I would change how inconsistent I’ve been in my almost 30 years of life when it comes to journaling. There are so many times in my life where I wish I had a journal to look back on so I could reflect on those experiences. Take my parents divorce for instance. I can recall some of the thoughts and feelings but I wish I had actually written them down.

My inability to journal consistently is part of the reasoning behind this post. We’re kicking off a 30 day journaling challenge on September 1st! Now, if you’re reading this and it’s not September 1st, that’s okay. It’s never too late to join this challenge.

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I’ve kind of made it my mission since my first son to share my candid experience as a mom who hated breastfeeding as well as normalizing formula feeding and advocating for maternal medical professionals to consider the mother and mental health and not just endlessly push breastfeeding for 9 months.

So I plan on candidly sharing our experience choosing to formula feed from birth starting with how I’m preparing to formula feed from birth. My goal is to become a resource for others mamas who are struggling with finding information about formula feeding from birth because there’s truly a huge lack of information (and a lot of misinformation) out there about formula feeding.

May 5, 2021

Apr 29, 2021

The 30 Things I Want to Do Before I Turn 30

Apr 29, 2021

On Tuesday I rang in my 29th year, stuck inside for the second year in a row, alone with my toddler. While it wasn’t originally the birthday I was envisioning, I realized how special these simple moments can actually be. But since this is the final year of my twenties, I figured I couldn’t let the defining decade pass without doing some sort of bucket list. So, here’s the 30 things I want to do before I turn 30!

Apr 29, 2021

Apr 21, 2021

Fort Wainwright Pros and Cons

Apr 21, 2021

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been stationed in Fort Wainwright, Alaska for almost two full years now! We’ve spent two summers and two winters at Fort Wainwright so I felt that I was finally “qualified” enough to start sharing a little bit of information about living at Fort Wainwright. Naturally, I get questions all of the time about what Fort Wainwright is like and whether or not Fort Wainwright is a good duty station. I also get a lot of requests for post guides so I wanted to try and dip my feet into exploring the creation of more informative posts about where we’ve been stationed. I thought we’d keep it simple to start by doing a Fort Wainwright Pros and Cons list!

Apr 21, 2021

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Welcome to Literally Though with Darrian Chamblee! Join military spouse, mama, and lifestyle content creator, Darrian Chamblee, as she invites you to grab a seat on her virtual couch to chat honest conversations about everyday life. In this episode, Darrian chats about the time she made the pivotal decision that changed her life and led her to her career working as a civilian for the Army, meeting her husband, and the creation of the online community she has now. She also shares some actionable advice on how to mindfully approach making a big, life-changing decision. 

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Welcome to Literally Though with Darrian Chamblee! Join military spouse, mama, and lifestyle content creator, Darrian Chamblee, as she invites you to grab a seat on her virtual couch to chat honest conversations about everyday life. From military life to the throes of new motherhood, and everything in between each week you'll leave ignited through the personal stories of Darrian and her guests to find inspiration in every day. Grab a seat and a cup of coffee and let's dive in! Subscribe now for updates and so you never miss a new episode!

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Marlow’s birth story really starts on a typical Wednesday afternoon. I met up with Justin to hand off Jasper so I could go to my 38 week appointment with the doctor. At this point I was feeling all of your typical third trimester aches and pains but other than that, I was feeling really good and excited to see the calendar finally ticking closer to Marlow’s due date of May 17th. 

One of the first things they do at every appointment is check your blood pressure. Unlike my pregnancy with Jasper, my blood pressure had looked absolutely perfect at every single appointment so you can imagine my surprise when the nurse taking it looked at me and said, “It’s a little high, we’ll have to check it again.” At this point I didn’t really think anything of it because I had been through this with Jasper and figured it would go down by the time they took it again. Fortunately or unfortunately, it didn’t go down like it usually does. I immediately began texting my mom and Justin with updates. I wasn’t worried, my blood pressure had been high almost every appointment with Jasper, like I mentioned, and we had no issues. After talking it over with the doctor, who wasn’t concerned about preeclampsia, we decided that I would go home and then come back on Thursday for another blood pressure check. 

It was at this point that the doctor told me to come with my bags packed because if my blood pressure was high the following day, I would be getting induced. In fact, the only reason she didn’t ask me to come back for a check later that same day was because the labor and delivery unit was already busy and if I was to get induced she knew I would be waiting for a long time anyways just being monitored. So I went home a little heavy with anxiety but otherwise feeling good. I spent the rest of that day trying to relax and getting the last of our things together for the hospital, just in case. We were also able to get my mother-in-law on alert to potentially need to be on her way to Fairbanks the next afternoon to watch over Jasper.

Thursday I woke up feeling completely normal although admittedly anxious about my upcoming blood pressure check. The plan was for me to put Jasper down for his nap and head to the hospital for my blood pressure check once Justin arrived at the house. When I put Jasper down for his nap, I just laid with him and was overwhelmed by emotion. I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t be going back to the house that afternoon after my appointment and it crushed me that this was how I was going to have to spend his last few moments as our only baby. The pregnancy hormones really got to me and I had to pretty much rush out of his room before I started sobbing. I spent the next couple of minutes in my room just letting myself feel those overwhelming emotions because I knew I needed to get them out of my system before going to the hospital. 

I’m sure you all know where this is going. My blood pressure came back even higher this time and I’m pretty much lucky that the doctor even let me go back to my car to get my bag. But I did and I made my way to the labor and delivery unit to begin the induction process. Justin got to work making sure his mom could get up to us to take care of Jasper, thankfully we found out just in time for her to catch the afternoon flight from Anchorage to Fairbanks. 

I had no idea what to expect going forward with an induction. I didn’t have to be induced with Jasper so this was entirely new territory and I knew I would be alone until Justin could get to the hospital once Jasper was taken care of. Luckily they didn’t want to do anything major until he got there. So I got comfortable in our hospital room and waited for them to tell me what came next. They spent a couple of hours just monitoring me which was nice because I was able to eat dinner that evening. I basically just relaxed and watched Oxygen until Justin got there around 8pm. The plan after that point was to do the Foley bulb since I was already dilated two centimeters and start pitocin in the morning. Honestly, the Foley bulb cramps were worse than my actual contractions. Trying to sleep with those things happening and with the excitement around getting to meet Marlow soon was next to impossible but I tried my best. 

My Foley bulb came out on its own around 2 or 3 that morning and then we started pitocin. I was so nervous about how my body would react to the pitocin because I had heard a lot of induction horror stories. Thankfully I didn’t have any issue handling the contractions and even moved around the room quiet a bit most of the morning. Once I was about 4 cm dilated, I knew the contractions were getting stronger and I knew that was around the time my water broke with Jasper which made the contractions even stronger. I didn’t want to wait too much longer for the epidural and I was having a hard time getting comfortable, even standing so I went ahead and requested it. Placing the epidural this time was an adventure and I’ll spare you too much of the details but basically Marlow was in such a weird position and my contractions were so strong at that point that I couldn’t really curl forward making it difficult to place the epidural. I think they had to stick me 8 or 9 times before the guy got it placed (this was exactly the opposite of my experience with Jasper’s delivery) however once they finally got it placed it worked beautifully so I couldn’t really complain. 

Once I got the epidural I was immediately able to relax which, as it turns out, was exactly what my body needed. I remember falling asleep and waking up and feeling a lot of pressure which was kind of weird to be feeling that soon after getting my epidural. One of the nurses came to check on me and I let her know that I was starting to feel some pressure. Marlow’s heart rate was also fluctuating. They had me move around and that didn’t really help her heart rate so the nurse came back a second time and decided that we should check since the pressure was feeling pretty intense. I didn’t necessarily feel the urge to push but the pressure was definitely noticeable. Sure enough, when she checked I was definitely ready to push. 

Marlow’s delivery was completely different than Jasper’s. Despite having to be induced, it was completely calm and there were only three other people in the room besides me and Justin. I remember Jasper’s delivery feeling easy but this one was a complete breeze. I told Justin afterwards that if I knew every delivery would be that easy and I didn’t have to endure 9 months of pregnancy (pregnancy is really hard for me mentally) that I would have all of the babies. 

Anyways, Marlow was absolutely perfect and came out side-eyeing pretty much everyone in the room. The nurses got a kick out of her facial expressions and in just the three months since her birth she’s already so opinionated and expressive.

The scary part of Marlow’s birth story came afterwards when we realized that my placenta actually had way more blood vessels than it was supposed to. I think it ended up having something like five or six and the midwife said that it was a miracle that my body knew it was time to get her and the placenta out before anything bad happened. Processing that information has been a little challenging which is why it’s taken so long for me to write this and to write anything in general. 

Overall, I’m so blessed to have had two easy labor and deliveries with two healthy and happy babies. I don’t know if this is our last baby or not but if it is, I’m so happy to have had the experiences I did giving birth to both Jasper and Marlow. 

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The word infertility used to never be a part of my vocabulary. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would have to do fertility treatments to have a biological baby, I wouldn’t have believed you. Infertility was never something that I was taught about in school or knew much about until we started having miscarriages. I remember packing up baby items after we lost our daughter Ivy and just crying out, “Why Me?! Why is this my story??”. All I had ever wanted was to be a mom. It just felt like my body was failing us and failing me. The waiting was causing me to feel very weary and lose hope. 

We started fertility treatments, which was a long process that I could write a whole separate post about. We were blessed with our sweet rainbow baby after using multiple medications, injections and IUI’s. My pregnancy was very difficult and I was very anxious given our history. He was worth it all though. He is pure joy in our world, and we absolutely adore him. After he was born I thought, “okay now that he’s here, the trauma of infertility and loss will diminish”. I wish that I could say that is 100% true, to some extent yes he brought immense healing to our souls but infertility will always be a part of our story. We have not been able to get pregnant again since having Clarke, and we are moving forward with domestic adoption, which is something my husband and I have both always felt called towards. But even so, infertility trauma and grief will still catch me off guard. It will cause me to cry when I see pregnancy announcements of kids becoming big siblings, when friends get pregnant without trying, at Christmas when there are only 3 full stockings for our family when there should be more, or when I am asked on a doctor form how many children I have. It has impacted me in ways I can hardly explain fully. It has caused me to slow down and enjoy Clarke, not to take a single moment for granted, snuggle my baby longer, and meet many amazing women who are walking similar journeys. Motherhood is not something I take for granted, due to infertility. 

Every day I get at least one message from someone asking about infertility. People ask me all the time, “How can I love on my friend who is dealing with infertility?”. If you aren’t dealing with infertility or loss, but have someone in your life who is then here are a few things I recommend. 

• Jewelry. Jewelry with birthstones, baby’s names, birth dates, or forget-me-nots are always some of my favorite gifts.

• Listen. Just be there. You may not know what your friend is going through exactly but just be there. Show up. Bring a coffee. This is so important.

• Take a Meal. When I was in the midst of pregnancy loss, doing anything felt impossible. We were so blessed to have gotten meals from friends and family.

If you are reading this and just found out you are infertile, have gone through pregnancy loss or stillbirth, or have dealt with secondary infertility and need support, please reach out. I would love to listen or direct you to another person who can even relate more specifically to your story. Please know you ARE NOT ALONE. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage. 1 in 8 couples will experience infertility. Be gentle on yourself. Infertility is hard, give yourself grace. I hope and pray infertility, loss, stillbirth, and secondary infertility will become more prevalent topics in our society/church’s/ schools and that we can educate girls and young women so they know that they are not alone. I want everyone going through loss and infertility to feel surrounded with people who can relate to your story, and also that give you hope. You are not alone.

I did not handle the news gracefully. I sobbed, called my mom, and pretty much sent myself into a downward spiral of despair. But after some time to reflect and process the news, I realized that there are much better ways to handle unexpected news as a military spouse. So I figured I would share a few of those with you today. This is basically my step-by-step approach to processing unexpected news as a military spouse. I hope you find it helpful!

Related Post: Life as a Military Spouse when you have an Anxiety Disorder

1. Whatever you do, don’t panic!

I know, way easier said than done and I’ll be the first to admit that I am still working on this aspect of handling the unexpected as a military spouse. But there are a few reasons why a military spouse should always try to keep their cool any time your service member hits you with the “I have news” call/text/conversation. The first is that nothing is official until it’s actually official. If there is one thing I wish I could tell new military spouses it would be to use this as your motto. When we first found out about the latest news that my husband could be deploying again as early as June, my mind immediately rushed into all of these different scenarios. I was ready to pack up the house and leave Alaska in just a few seconds after hearing the news. But I took a deep breath and backed myself away from that ledge by the next day. Here’s the thing, we’re pretty sure this deployment is happening but I won’t be doing or planning anything until we actually have hard orders in hand. Until there is an official document in my husband’s hands saying this is when he’s going and for how long and where what’s the point in panicking?

2. Let yourself feel the feelings.

Not bottling up my emotions is something I learned during our first deployment when I was struggling with the fact that the deployment was getting extended while also feeling guilty for being upset about it since my husband hadn’t been gone even half as long as most of the soldiers he was deployed with. But here’s the thing, not recognizing the way you’re feeling can often lead to anger and resentment and/or make you feel even worse. Here’s what I do anytime we get unexpected news: I give myself a set window of time to process the news and feel all of the emotions that are coming up as a result of that news. When we first heard about this potential deployment, I pretty much spent the first 24 hours either crying or on the verge of tears. I stepped away from social media and spent a lot of time snuggling with Jasper. That’s what I needed to do in order to handle the waves of emotions that come with getting unexpected news as a military spouse. I worked through the initial grief that our summer wasn’t going to look how we were planning, let myself freak out a little bit over the fact that I will be solo-parenting a toddler AND a newborn, etc. I basically just let myself feel all of the different emotions that come when you get news like this for 24 hours. Let this process take as long as you need to. I definitely wasn’t 100% over it by the next day but I had processed enough of the emotions to pick myself up and work on a plan for the “what if”. We found out the news on a Monday afternoon and by Wednesday, while I was still in a daze, I was feeling much better and more capable of handling the situation.

3. Talk to a trusted friend or family member.

You don’t need to have a million friends to be successful as a military spouse. In my experience, one or two really good ones (or your mom) are perfect for situations like this. Anytime I get unexpected news, naturally, my mom is always the first person I call. But I’m so thankful to have close military spouse friends who I can reach out to in times like this who will just get it and remind me that it’s okay to process my emotions and grieve the news. It also helps when they’re more seasoned and have been through what you’re going through. They can guide you through the emotions, make sure you’re making rational decisions, and remind you of the first two points on this list.

4. Be upfront and honest with your spouse. 

One of the easiest things to do when you get unexpected news about military life is to hide how you’re feeling from your spouse or partner or to brush it off with humor if you’re like me. But not being honest with your spouse about how the news is making you feel can lead to resentment directed towards the situation, military life, and especially your spouse. Make sure that you take the time to process the information together. After all, you are a team and the only way you’re going to get through the news and whatever is to come is by staying strong and doing it together. My husband and I make it a point not to discuss big news over text. He will tell me the initial news if he has it but we wait until he’s home and we’re communicating in person to actually talk about and process the news. 

5. Remember that you can do this!

Something that always helps me whenever we get unexpected news in regards to military life is to remember all of the things we’ve already been through together. I mean, I handled an extended deployment in the middle of a global pandemic! I can handle this, right? Even if you’re not completely confident, giving yourself the permission to reassure yourself that you can and will get through whatever military life throws at you is the first step in the right direction. Write this reminder down, post it everywhere, set a daily alarm on your phone with this message. You’ve got this!

If you’re a military spouse I would love to hear how you handle unexpected news as a military spouse. Leave a comment below!

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So I plan on candidly sharing our experience choosing to formula feed from birth starting with how I’m preparing to formula feed from birth. My goal is to become a resource for others mamas who are struggling with finding information about formula feeding from birth because there’s truly a huge lack of information (and a lot of misinformation) out there about formula feeding. 

Choosing to Formula Feed from Birth

Our story starts with pregnancy. Throughout pregnancy, I was asked repeatedly if I would breastfeed. I knew it would be hard, I knew that it might be challenging, that it might not work. I apprehensively said yes every time even though I didn’t really want to. I mean, I guess I should try, right? Is what I would tell myself. Everyone was encouraging me that I would be able to do it. But what everyone didn’t tell me is how much anxiety filled me in those first few moments after Jasper’s birth in anticipation of breastfeeding. Would he latch? Would he be getting enough? Would I get any sleep?

If you’ve read Jasper’s birth story, you may already know that he was born very blue. Thankfully I had an amazing doctor I completely trusted so when I saw that he wasn’t worried, I didn’t worry. Eventually, Jasper pinked up and they laid him on my chest. That moment was supposed to be one of the best, happiest moments of my life. Instead of soaking in that moment with my husband, all I can remember is the lactation consultant making her way to my side to “coach” me on breastfeeding. Within 5 minutes, she had given me an entire rundown on breastfeeding positions, breastfeeding techniques, etc. I  never saw her or another lactation consultant again while I was in the hospital. Do you think I remember anything she said? Seriously the only thing I remember her saying was instructing me on the football hold with my tiny 6 lb baby.

Jasper was so small that his glucose needed to be checked every two or three hours that first day. I immediately started associating breastfeeding with him getting his foot pricked. Is it working? Is he getting enough of what he needs? Am I even doing anything correctly? Nurses tried to help. They threw a nipple shield on me in the middle of the night the first night. I had no reason to object (they are trained professionals, aren’t they?) and didn’t know anything about the right fit, the pros, and cons of using a nipple shield, etc. The constant check-ins for his glucose gave me so much anxiety when it came to breastfeeding that I should have stopped that first night. But they kept encouraging me. Kept telling me that we would figure it out.

When he wasn’t gaining enough weight in the first two weeks, the weight checks quadrupled my anxiety. We saw a lactation consultant who instructed me to feed him on both sides, then pump. I started this cycle and by the time I was finished pumping, it was time to feed Jasper again. The rest of my body was healing perfectly but my nipples were another story. They checked his latch. High pallet, tongue-tie, small chin. He had a strong suck but a terrible latch. They recommended multiple solutions. We saw an ENT about the tongue tie. “Most babies eventually figure it out.” She said. Excuse me? You want me to subject myself to this for the foreseeable future in the hopes that he MIGHT figure it out?

The only people during the first two weeks of Jasper’s life who told me that it was okay to stop, to switch to formula was my mother and my husband. (Thank God for moms, am I right?). Every time a doctor or nurse mentioned it, it was like something sour was coming out of their mouth. The hospital preached breastfeeding friendliness but I had barely been given any real help in the two weeks I struggled to breastfeed. My son’s two-week appointment was the day I knew I was done breastfeeding. I had gotten him back up to his birth weight and I was mentally exhausted. I was done and that was okay. That was also the moment I knew I wouldn’t be attempting to breastfeed any future children as well. Drying up after I quit breastfeeding was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I got no help from medical professionals once I decided to stop breastfeeding until I ended up scheduling an emergency doctor’s appointment because I developed mastitis overnight. She didn’t provide much help either except prescribing me an antibiotic. 

Needless to say, my breastfeeding experience was very traumatic. It took me almost two years to really come to terms with and accept that trauma as part of our story, however. I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation into why I’m choosing to formula feed from birth this time around but it helps me feel prepared and together to have it all out there and reaffirm to myself that I’m making the best decision for myself and my family. 

Preparing to Formula Feed from Birth

Prepping the House for Formula Feeding from Birth

A few things we’ve done around the house to prepare to formula feed from birth mostly revolve around bottles and formula. We’ve stocked up on formula to some extent, we’ve got enough ready to feed for close to two weeks, and then we picked up one container of formula from Costco (which we can return if we need to). 

I knew that having a good bottle setup was going to be key for us so we went ahead and sterilized all of our smaller bottles and nipples and have them organized in one spot in our kitchen. The bottles are on the counter making them easy to grab and prep and the rest of the bottle feeding accessories as well as pacifiers are located in the drawers just beneath where we’re keeping the bottles. The bottle sterilizer is also located in the same vicinity as the rest of our formula feeding essentials. 

I also registered for a pretty large diaper caddy that I can carry from the first and second floor. Something we didn’t do with my son was prep bottles for nighttime feeds ahead of time. This was partially due to the fact that we had a one-story house and didn’t have to travel far to go from the kitchen to the bedroom. But the last thing I want to be doing when I have two kids to take care of is trekking up and down the stairs multiple times at night. So I have a spot saved in the diaper caddy where the nighttime bottles can be prepped with water ahead of time as well as a formula dispenser that can be used to proportion out the formula so I’m not worried about measuring out the appropriate amount in the middle of the night (once we switch to powdered formula).

What I Packed in my Hosptial Bag - Formula Feeding from Birth

In my hospital bag, this time around I will be packing both ready to feed formula as well as bottles from home that are already sterilized and ready to go. I heard that sometimes hospitals can be hit or miss with whether or not they will even provide formula so I wanted to be prepared. I bought the same formula that the hospital where I’m delivering will provide if they do end up providing it. I’m also bringing bottles because I want the baby to get used to the bottles we have versus the nipples that come with the ready to feed. I’ll be bringing those nipples just in case there’s an issue with any of our bottles but they’re the same ones we used with our son. I also grabbed a very small thing of dish detergent and a bottle brush so that we can clean the bottles while we’re at the hospital if we end up using them. 

Also, I recommend making sure your partner and anyone else you’re having at the hospital for labor and delivery and afterward are on the same page as you are about formula feeding. I have heard that nurses and doctors can often be pushy about breastfeeding even after a mother makes it clear that she does not wish to breastfeed. I don’t plan on explaining my decision to anyone but I want to be able to have my spouse back me up if needed. I’ve also considered making a sign for our door so I don’t have to keep repeating myself but TBD if I actually do that or not. 

For Discouraging Milk Production:

I didn’t receive a lot of advice from my doctors and midwives during my pregnancy appointments in regards to what to do once you’ve delivered in order to curb milk production. But after doing some research and talking to other formula moms, I’ve come up with a few products that I plan on having both on hand in the hospital and at home. 

• Bra for delivery - Nipple stimulation of any kind is what you really want to avoid when you’re planning to formula feed from birth. I still want to do skin to skin after the baby is born, however, so I picked up a low-cut bralette at the thrift store to wear during delivery. This way I don’t have to worry about having to throw it out afterward and my nipples will be covered the whole time. I’m also hoping this will help steer the conversation away from breastfeeding once she’s delivered. Since nipple stimulation is to be avoided (including hot water) I may also bring a swimsuit top to wear in the shower.

• Compressive sports bras - I ordered two sports bras from Girlfriend Collective to wear after delivery, once I’ve showered and changed. These bras should be tight enough that they offer some support and compression but not too tight that they’re constricting. My milk took a while to come in after I had my son so I’m hoping that by getting ahead of the milk production I can keep it from coming in altogether. 

• Cabo cream - When I was trying to dry up after we switched my son to formula I used a lot of cabbage leaves. It was honestly the worst but apparently, this cream does exactly the same thing without you having to actually stick cabbage leaves on your boobs. I’ve already got this packed in my hospital bag and plan on starting to use it right away.

• Pink Stork No Flow Tea - Like the cabbage leaves, I drank a lot of peppermint tea when I was trying to dry up last time. The Pink Stork No Flow Tea came very highly recommended to me so I grabbed that and packed it in my hospital bag and plan on stocking up on peppermint tea as well. Again, I plan on starting to drink this as soon as possible after delivery. 

• Ice packs for bras - I remember using these breast-shaped ice packs when I was still trying to breastfeed my son but I didn’t have them anymore so I picked up another set to use once we’re home. Ice helps to keep your milk from coming in so that’s the point behind these. I’ve also grabbed some soothing nipple covers but I don’t know if I’ll actually end up using those or not. 

• Reusable breast pads - On the off chance that my milk does come in quickly or at all, I picked up some reusable breast pads to put in my bra to catch any leakage. Hopefully, these will also help me avoid nipple stimulation as well. 

Have you chosen to formula feed from birth? Share your experience below!

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1. Fly first-class somewhere (without kids)

I’ve only ever flown first class once and that was with Jasper on a very short flight. While I enjoyed it, there’s just something about the idea of taking a first-class flight somewhere sans kids that feels extra special. Maybe it’s the possibility of actually being able to travel this next year now that I’m vaccinated.

2. Take an international vacation

Y’all, I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve never even had my passport. Maybe I should just switch the title of this item to “get a passport” since I have a similar wish towards the end of my list. But as more things open up I’m hoping to travel a lot more in the last year of my twenties, even if that means attempting to do it solo with two kids.

3. Finish watching The Vampire Diaries (and all the other shows I started and never finished)

This wasn’t on my original list but I had to change some things around due to the deployment news we got last week. So I’m foreseeing a lot of binge-watching in my future. I am notorious for starting a show, getting really into it, and then burning out and never going back. I’d like to change this with at least one show. Can I make it through Vampire Diaries without wanting to rip my hair out? Who knows. But I’m gonna try and find out. I should also do this with Grey’s Anatomy but baby steps.

4. Purchase a designer bag

If you caught my Vision Board for 2021 video on YouTube then you already know that I’ve been eyeing a designer bag this year. I’m really hoping to dig into work once I get adjusting to parenting two babies and have set some pretty big goals for myself to hit before I turn 30. There are a few other things on this list that will go hand in hand with this one. TBD on if I can actually make it happen with a toddler, new baby, and our second deployment on the books but military spouses are magic, am I right?

5. Take a flower arranging class (in person or online)

Since I started buying myself flowers as part of our weekly grocery shopping, I’ve gotten really into the art of flower arranging. When you’re a content creator, it can be hard to find things you love to do that you don’t immediately want to turn into content so I think diving into flower arranging as a hobby would be something fun to explore over the next year, especially if I can take some classes in person!

6.Celebrate something with an expensive bottle of champagne

It’s been a while since I felt like celebrating anything (thanks to the pandemic) and the idea of popping open an expensive bottle of champagne to celebrate something and really go all out for the celebrations this next year has my heart. Obviously, I would love to be doing this today, on my actual birthday, but since I’m pregnant I figured I might as well just wait since there are only 3 weeks left, give or take. Maybe I’ll treat myself to a bottle after delivering this baby.

7. Take a girls trip

I don’t remember the last time I went on a good, old-fashioned, girls’ trip. Actually, if I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure the last time I did this was my bachelorette party back in 2018. Now that my friends and I are vaccinated and things are starting to look more normal travel-wise, I think it’s time to plan something!

8. Go to an ice bar

We haven’t done much to take advantage of all of the fun things available to us during the winter months here in Alaska between my pregnancy and the pandemic so I have a lot on this list that involves local experiences. Like going to an ice bar! I think that’s something so cool and unique that not a lot of people can say they’ve done and there’s one basically in my backyard! I tried not to make this a “Fort Wainwright bucket list” in addition to the 30 before 30 lists but sometimes you have to get creative.

9. Make yearly recap videos with old vlog footage

I started doing YouTube all the way back in 2016 and I’ve largely saved most of the raw footage on hard drives throughout those years. I think it would be so much fun to go back and put together yearly compilation videos with clips from each year. I love editing videos and putting together especially sentimental pieces so I think this is something that will be right up my alley and easy to do. I’m thinking this could be a cool way to add more long-form content to my YouTube channel as well if I can figure out a way to story-tell throughout the videos as well. I also think this would be a fun project for me to work on while Justin is on this next deployment that way we can watch them together when he gets back or as they premier.

10. Figure out style and create a functional wardrobe with pieces I love

I’ve already laid some groundwork to check this item off of the list by cleaning out my closet and really limiting purchases until I’m in the postpartum period but I am so looking forward to exploring my style and investing in key pieces I love over the next couple of months. The goal is to have a capsule wardrobe of solid, timeless pieces that I can then add seasonal and trendy pieces to at a lower cost and I’m not buying new jeans every month or that sort of thing.

11. Cook through an entire cookbook

I am really excited about this one. While I have a few cookbooks I have cooked a lot of the recipes in I’ve never fully cooked through an entire cookbook before. I haven’t decided which cookbook to get so I need to research and find the perfect one so I can start the process of checking this off my list!

12. Finish the first draft of a book or novel

Lol. I told you there were some big goals on this list. This is probably one of the more achievable ones if we’re being honest. I have about 20,000 words written of a draft I started last year during quarantine so maybe I’ll pick that one back up or start completely fresh. Who knows, I’ll be sure to keep you posted!

13. Run in a race (5k or half marathon)

I’ve run my fair share of 5ks on a personal note like on the treadmill or on the trail but I haven’t actually run in a real event since I was in high school doing track. I was hoping to be able to do the Midnight Sun Run here in Fairbanks but they’ve canceled it again this year which is sad because I’m not sure we’ll be here for the one in 2022. Hopefully, they’ll start doing some on post ones soon!

14. Get a psychic reading

I remember my aunt getting a reading done when we went on a trip with my mom to Las Vegas and I just think this would be something fun to do at some point in my life. Maybe I’ll be able to tack it onto a trip if I actually end up traveling this year.

15. Actually work on learning a second language

Every time I make a list of goals of any sort, learning another language is always on it. I’ve taken both French and Spanish in school settings but didn’t really do the work to make sure I was actually learning the languages. During quarantine, I picked French back up and I really enjoy the language so I’ll probably work on trying that again.

16. Make more photo albums

I love having our photos printed but I haven’t been the best about actually getting our photos printed, especially during the pandemic. Becoming a Chatbooks ambassador has definitely already helped me out in that department a little bit but over the next year, I would like to get our photos around the house updated. We haven’t had professional photos of our family done since Jasper was a newborn!

17. Buy a skateboard and learn to use it

Everyone who knows me personally and is reading this is currently having a good laugh. The only bone I’ve ever broken was due to buying a pair of rollerblades (even though I was pretty good at the rink) but I’ve always wanted to learn how to skateboard. Last year, I became obsessed with the Penny Boards brand and really wanted to get one but Justin talked me out of it. This year though, I figured I might as well try it out. Plus it’ll help me work on balance for snowboarding season, right? I wanted to skateboard growing up but always cared too much about what other people would think about a little girl skateboarding. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to care less and do more of what she loved.

18.Make $1000 a month with blogging/yt/social media

I told you that I had some pretty big (and scary) goals on this list! I have never set a specific monetary goal when it comes to the business side of my platforms but I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to go big or go home. I’ve definitely hit a crossroads where I either need to start treating this like a real business or just let it go. SO here’s to working on manifesting generating this kind of income.

19. Go to Disneyland

Disneyland has never really been on my radar but since planning Jasper’s Cars-themed birthday, I’ve been dying to take him there to visit the Radiator Springs part of the park. I’m not a huge Disney person but there’s something about having kids to take to Disney that has me really excited to go. They just recently opened the park up to California residents so I’m hoping they’ll be opening it up for out-of-state visitors soon too!

20. Take a spontaneous trip

This one is pretty self-explanatory but I am a notorious planner and need a little more spontaneity in my life. I feel like a spontaneous trip somewhere is the perfect mix of planning and spontaneity for this last year of my 20s.

21. Travel somewhere solo

I haven’t intentionally traveled solo unless you count flying back home for a wedding. I would love to just pick a weekend and a destination and go see what I can get myself into, kind of like a work retreat or something. We’ll see if I’m actually ever brave enough to do this (in my head it’s a grand trip that includes flying but I guess a casual road trip to my favorite place in Alaska could work too).

22. Read one classic a month

I love reading classic novels but it has been a hot minute since I actually took the time to read one. I’ve also been in one heck of a reading slump since 2021 started so I’m looking for literally any excuse to get out of that rut. I’ve had Steinbeck’s East of Eden on my bookshelf for literally years so I think that’ll be the first one I start to tackle, maybe even starting tonight!

23. Solo photoshoot

I’ve been blogging for 4 years this June and I have never had a branding photoshoot done for my platforms. That’s definitely something I’m looking to change this year and I think it’s a great way to kick off the final year of my twenties or even to celebrate ringing in 30 next April.

24. Adopt the 5-minute rule

The 5-minute rule is basically this: don’t put off anything that can be done in 5 minutes. I’ve realized over the last few months that our house looks like a disaster 90% of the time because we don’t actually take the time to pick up small messes throughout the day. Instead of waiting until the mess gets overwhelming, take the 5 minutes to pick up the cars all over the living room, to load or unload the dishwasher, to vacuum the living room, etc.

25. Go to a concert

Gosh, do I miss concerts. I missed them even before they ceased to exist because of the pandemic. When I was in college, my friends and I were always heading off to some concert or another. Some of my favorite memories from my twenties involve concerts. I’ve actually heard of two potentially happening this summer here in Alaska that I’m really excited about so fingers crossed I can make one of them! Or, you know, that Taylor Swift will start touring again.

26. Learn to bake a cake from scratch

I’ve never tried to make a cake that didn’t come from a box and there’s really no reason why I can’t make a cake from scratch but it’s something simple that I think would be fun to start doing for everyone’s birthdays going forward or just fun to have randomly on the weekends. If you have any favorite cake recipes, let me know!

27. Go snowboarding (buy season passes!)

I am not great at snowboarding. I spend most of my time falling and that was when we were going semi consistently while Justin was at West Point. This winter though I’m hoping that we can get season passes somewhere and actually make it a regular thing so I can hopefully work on falling less.

28. Take a bikini photo outside at -40

Yes, this is a thing people do in Fairbanks. I feel like I can’t leave here without doing it. I would have done it this year but didn’t think my 6-month pregnant self would appreciate the photo as much as I know my almost thirty self will.

29. Reach 5k on Instagram

This is another one of those big scary goals that I’m nervous about putting out there. My growth on Instagram has been pretty much stagnant for the last two years. It’s been disheartening and a lot of the time it makes me want to quit posting there altogether. But I love the community I’ve built there and I anytime I take a break from the app, that’s what I miss most. I don’t normally worry too much about numbers but hitting this goal on Instagram would be a huge step in the right direction as far as my ability to provide a stable income for my family. So I guess this goal is twofold, continue to pour into and celebrate the community I already have on Instagram and try to welcome in more people over the next year.

30. Celebrate turning 30 in a big way!

And last but not least, I want to celebrate turning 30 by doing something big! I have literally no idea what this means, I would love to go on an international trip for my birthday but if you’re a military spouse then you know how hard it is to plan for something like that with the military. So if you have suggestions for fun ways to celebrate a big birthday, let me know!

And that’s my list! Do you have a 30 before 30 bucket list? I’d love to know what you would put on your own bucket list. I’ll be sharing periodic updates on how I’m doing with this list as well so stay tuned! Cheers to 29!

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There will be more Fort Wainwright posts to come, including a Frequently Asked Questions post but I wanted to kick off this “post series” on Fort Wainwright with a simple Fort Wainwright pros and cons list. Anytime I’m scrolling through a PCS related Facebook group the number one question I always see is “pros and cons of x” so I figured this would be a good place to start! If you have any questions about Fort Wainwright, please feel free to leave a comment, connect with me on Instagram, or send me an email here!

If you’re new here, I guess I should introduce myself so you know where my perspective is coming from. My husband and I got married in 2018 after he graduated from West Point. We actually chose to come to Fort Wainwright due to the fact that my husband is originally from Alaska and his family still lives here (6.5 or so hours away from Fort Wainwright). When we PCS’d to Fort Wainwright we had a one month old baby and at the time I’m writing this we are currently expecting our second child. 

Disclaimer: I can only give pros/cons based off of my own personal experience living at Fort Wainwright. My experience is not all encompassing of everyone’s experience who gets stationed here

Fort Wainwright Pros and Cons List

Fort Wainwright Pros

• You get to live in Alaska, a place that is a bucket list destination for many people

• The summers are incredible! Up to 24 hours of sunlight and the temperature is mostly moderate with low humidity

• A great place for anyone looking to be more adventurous or who loves a great outdoors trip. There are a ton of different and unique outdoor activities you can take part in such as camping, hiking, fishing, hunting, dog sledding, and more!

• See the Northern Lights in the winter from your own porch!

• Small town atmosphere and a great culture of community within those who are stationed here. 

• Great breweries and restaurants all across the state! 

• Slower operational tempo for soldiers. Due to the climate and harsh winters, there’s not a lot of training that can take place during the winter months. While training does ramp up during the warmer months, there are still a lot of great opportunities to get out and explore the state!

• There is an airport located right in Fairbanks making travel to Anchorage and the lower 48 easy. The airport is about 10 to 15 minutes from Fort Wainwright itself.

• Fairbanks, Alaska is home to its own university, the University of Alaska Fairbanks, if you are looking to enroll in college classes during your time here.

• Many of the on post housing neighborhoods on Fort Wainwright are made up of newer homes. The housing at Fort Wainwright also tends to be very spacious.

• Fort Wainwright has had a recent deployment in 2019/2020

• There’s a Costco located in Fairbanks, Alaska.

• Typically, being stationed at Fort Wainwright provides three years of stability from moving.

Fort Wainwright Cons

• The winters are harsh. I’m just going to be blunt here. Winter usually lasts from October to April, there’s minimal sunlight, and the temperatures can be -40 or lower.

• Traveling to and from Alaska to the lower 48 is time consuming and expensive.

• You can get the Alaskan version of “island fever” due to its remote location from the rest of the continental United States.

• Fort Wainwright itself is fairly isolated from the rest of the state. 

• The closest Target to Fort Wainwright is 357 miles. 

• Shopping options are limited in Fairbanks. While there are a few big name stores like American Eagle and Old Navy, the rest of the pickings are pretty slim.

• Shipping items to Alaska is expensive and often limited. 

• In general, the cost of living in Alaska is higher. Expect to pay more for pretty much everything.

• The wifi sucks and options for cable/internet are limited to local companies.

• The summer months bring extra daylight and sometimes wildfires that can be pretty bad. You’ll want to invest in blackout curtains.

• On-post housing at Fort Wainwright does not have air conditioning. We’ve made it two summers without AC but the temperature can be upwards of 90+ degrees in the summer which can be pretty unbearable inside of the house.

• There are no chain restaurants besides fast food restaurants located in Fairbanks. However, the local restaurants tend to make up for that and most of your favorites are available in Anchorage.

Fort Wainwright, and truly every duty station, is what you make of it. If you can look past some of the cons on the list then you are sure to be able to have once in a lifetime experiences while you’re stationed in Alaska. However, I wouldn’t say Fort Wainwright is the perfect duty station for everyone. It requires a true commitment to making the most out of whatever the weather (and Amazon shipping) throws at you. 

Once again, please feel free to leave any questions below! I hope you’ve found this post helpful and if there’s any pro/con I missed, definitely shout it out in the comments!

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